Monday, March 28, 2011

My Dark Moon Journey: Chapter I Question 5

5. Do I go through anxiety, depression, and periods of darkness in the weeks before my birthday, during the winter holiday season, when I menstruate, or when I am faced with a major change in my security? Have I ever considered that these dark times in my life might be a naturally occurring part of the cyclical process and a necessary period to facilitate regeneration and the birth of something new?

I had to sit here and think about the first part of this question.  Not sure if I ever felt that way before my birthday.  I might have but not because I was getting old, because no one does the things I do for others.  Yes during the winter months I find myself struggling to get things done and missing the sun so much. My mother made a comment last Dec that made me think.  She said  "At the end of the year you always have issues, maybe you have the seasonal disorder."  I said yes I know.  I am not one to embrace winter because I just do not like it. I hate being cold and do not like snow.. This year I tried to embrace winter.  To find the good in resting and taking time for myself!! When I menstruate my first day is a tough one.  I get the heaviest flow that day, the bad cramps and back aches, and every now and then I retain water.    The first day takes so much out of me that I just want to sleep and rest all day. I used to get depressed and worry about changes in my security until my back issues happened.  That is when I learned that no matter what you do , you can loose your security at any time no matter how hard you try. Your body will tell you when it needs rest!!  I looked back and saw that I still had a place to live , my kids were taken care of and I was doing better that whole time.  I do not worry to much anymore.Yes , Yes and another YES to the last question.  If we did not have these times to sit and "rest" or "die" nothing new would come around and I for one wouldn't want it any other way.  I always have room for bigger and better things!!  I embrace change way better than I did before!!

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