Monday, March 28, 2011

My Dark Moon Journey: Chapter I Question 5

5. Do I go through anxiety, depression, and periods of darkness in the weeks before my birthday, during the winter holiday season, when I menstruate, or when I am faced with a major change in my security? Have I ever considered that these dark times in my life might be a naturally occurring part of the cyclical process and a necessary period to facilitate regeneration and the birth of something new?

I had to sit here and think about the first part of this question.  Not sure if I ever felt that way before my birthday.  I might have but not because I was getting old, because no one does the things I do for others.  Yes during the winter months I find myself struggling to get things done and missing the sun so much. My mother made a comment last Dec that made me think.  She said  "At the end of the year you always have issues, maybe you have the seasonal disorder."  I said yes I know.  I am not one to embrace winter because I just do not like it. I hate being cold and do not like snow.. This year I tried to embrace winter.  To find the good in resting and taking time for myself!! When I menstruate my first day is a tough one.  I get the heaviest flow that day, the bad cramps and back aches, and every now and then I retain water.    The first day takes so much out of me that I just want to sleep and rest all day. I used to get depressed and worry about changes in my security until my back issues happened.  That is when I learned that no matter what you do , you can loose your security at any time no matter how hard you try. Your body will tell you when it needs rest!!  I looked back and saw that I still had a place to live , my kids were taken care of and I was doing better that whole time.  I do not worry to much anymore.Yes , Yes and another YES to the last question.  If we did not have these times to sit and "rest" or "die" nothing new would come around and I for one wouldn't want it any other way.  I always have room for bigger and better things!!  I embrace change way better than I did before!!

My Dark Moon Journey: Chapter I Question 4

4. How do I feel when considering the prospect of my own or any loved ones’ death? Am I afraid to die? Do I feel abandoned by the death or loss of loved ones? Can I express my anger and grief, and allow myself to mourn?

I can say that it used to bother me a lot but again my views have changed and I see death as a good thing.  You must die before you are reborn again.  We can not stop the process it is natures way.  Yes I will miss them because they are no here with me but I know I can talk to them when ever I need to threw other means.  I used to be afraid to die now it is different. Yes I did worry more when my children were younger. I would worry about who would take care of them, but we have such a loving family that I do not worry anymore.  Now I am not afraid.  When my time comes it comes.  No I do not feel that I have been abandoned.  It was their time to go from this place and to move onto something better.  Their human body has died NOT them.  Yes I can allow myself to mourn.  I have already.  I have lost both my sets of grandparents and I have to say it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.  I was close to one of them more than the other two and yes I had my mourning period but I knew she was still around me. 

My Dark Moon Journey: Chapter I Question 3

3. How do I feel about growing old? Am I afraid of age, or of telling other how old I am? How do I respond when I see old people? Does it make me uncomfortable or panicky? Have I ever been to a nursing home or old age home? Was I anxious to leave?

I feel fine about growing older.  Not like we can stop it so why not embrace it.. LOL  Nope I am not afraid of aging or telling people how old I am.  I am wondering if it would different if I looked my age. I know it used to bother me that people would think I am at least 10 years younger than I am.  Now I feel your only as old as you feel. It is all in your mind!!  Depends on how they act toward me. Some older people now a days think you owe them everything and that you have to go out of your way to please them.  I learned that lesson when I worked in retail and on Senior Citizen day!!  Other than that I do try to help them when they look like they need help and have a chat when they want to talk.  Yes I have been to a nursing home many times.  No I was not anxious to leave.  The only thing that made me sad was that so many of our elders are put into these home's and then forgotten about.  Kinda like out of sight out of mind. Some have great stories to pass down and no body to listen to them. 

My Dark Moon Journey: Chapter I Question 2

2. Am I afraid of the dark? How do I feel when the power goes off and my house is plunged into darkness? Do I panic? Do I feel safer with a nightlight or porch light turned on all night? How do I feel about dark places in my environment, such as dark closets and basements? How do I feel about darker-skinned people?

Right now I can say kinda.  If I am in a place I know and it is dark with no light I am OK because I know were I am and what is around me.  When I am in a placed I do not know then at first I am a bit scared, then I calm myself down and tune into my other senses.  I hate when I am not ready for it, but do not mind sitting here in the dark in my home.  I will find some candles sometimes and then light them.  No I do not panic.  No I do not feel safer with the light on. I shut if off before I go to bed.  Closets and basements are fine with me, the only worry is that I will trip and fall over something and hurt myself.  I feel fine around dark skinned peopleMy issue is more of your height.

My Dark Moon Journey: Chapter I

 1. Do I equate the concept of light with the forces of good, increase and happiness? By contrast, do I associate dark with the forces of evil, decrease and sadness?
I did sit here and think about this for awhile.  Wondering if I still have the same thoughts on it as I did before.  I have been going threw another "dark" time in my life, but see it as a growth not anything bad.  Yes I have not so good feelings about things, but I know what was before has to be reborn into something new.
I can remember when I was younger that yes indeed I saw light as good and dark as bad. That is what I was being taught and have only changed my view when I found the path I am on (about 8 years ago).  When I was young I was afraid of the dark.  I remember having a night light in my room. When I went on sleep overs I had to have a mini flashlight so I wouldn't be scared.
Now I see as a time to rest and the end of something.  I feel you can not have one without the other.  Light and dark go hand and hand together.  Why be afraid of something that you need.  The so called dark times in my life are the times when I have sat down and really looked at the issues and what wasn't making me happy and I then decided to change them. How can that be bad?  If I did not change them then I would not be the person I am today!  I think we all need that down time and the time to sit and look at what we would like to change in our lives. 

Update on me and a new book

Merry Meet all. I know it has been awhile since I have been here.  With work and no internet at home now, I steal time when I can. I have been so busy.  Me and my sister are now starting a coven with the members we have been getting together with.  My magical name will be changing.  Yes change is good.  For while I have felt a block in my magic and my personal growth and I know why.  My sister said something to me that made perfect sense and I was off to discover my new name.  I will just have to get used to it. LOL..

Now onto the book.  My sister is reading a book or was not sure and I noticed she was posting answers to some questions on her blog.  It looked like a good book and I asked her about it. She told me the name of the book and I went out and bought it.  Now I will do the same.  At the end of each chapter the author gives you questions to answer and my answers will be here.  Let me show you the book and a bit about it.

Thanks to Cricketsong for the picture.. hehe : )

Mysteries of the Dark Moon: The Healing Power of the Dark Goddess by Demetra George

Is the book I am reading and I just finished the first chapter and will be putting my answers down in a different post. I did find it a bit hard to start off with as I am not a "reader" for enjoyment.  The book has to catch me right away, but I am gonna read it because there are some things that did catch me and I can't wait to read more.