Sunday, September 13, 2009

A Scary Look In The Mirror...

The other week I got a very scary (to me) look in the mirror!! Everyone says that your children get a part of you and man oh man did I see that in full action during our fund raiser. My son who I love so dearly showed me just how much MY SON is truly is!! We butted heads so much that week and man I saw a side of him that I have not seen in a very long time. There were times when I could not handle him and he made a big deal out of something so small. I kept telling him just go with the flow and do not worry about it, but that did not help. We even made a joke about him being like someone we know. A mini person of them...but what someone so lovingly pointed out to me later that day is that my son was acting just the same way I do!! I have to admit it was hard to hear but it sure sank in. I told this person that I could not handle or be around my son when he was acting like that and again it was pointed out to me that is what happens when I get into that mode. I spent the rest of the night and even now in a restless sleep thinking about it. I just can not get this off my mind!! I so hate that part of myself right now and I need to change it. I asked someone how the hell can they stand being around me when I am like that or even now knowing that I am like that. I feel so deep inside that I need to change this part of me but I am not sure if I can. The person who I asked says they do not want me to change it, but I feel like I have to. I do not like this part of me and it does cause stress in my life at certain points.
I have had a few people who I call friends point the same thing out to me and then they try to tell me how to handle things before I get like my son did. NOW all that has hit me hard and sank into my head. So now I sit here and everyday trying to figure out how to change something I probably learned as a child so I can feel better.
For my son.. well....... guess that is up to him..

No comments:

Post a Comment